Supporting someone after a suicide attempt

Feelings and reactions to a suicide attempt

Discovering that someone you care about has tried to end their life can bring up complicated feelings. It is estimated that 36% of Australians have been close to someone who has experienced suicidal distress or attempted to take their own life, so you are not alone in this situation.[1]

When you first find out someone has had a suicide attempt, you may experience a range of emotions that fluctuate and change over time. These reactions are normal.

Common feelings, emotions, and reactions include:

• Shock
• Grief
• Hurt
• Confusion
• Anger
• Guilt
• Fear

Reasons why someone may feel suicidal

The reasons why someone is feeling suicidal are complex. You may never know exactly how the person feels, but they might be experiencing:

• Feeling like a burden
• Feeling despair and hopelessness
• Having emotional pain that is overbearing
• Feeling helpless and powerless to change anything
• Being angry about what is causing the distress
• Feeling guilty
• Experiencing emotional numbness and lacking energy
• Feeling fearful.

During the person’s crisis, they may have felt alone, hopeless, or like a burden to the people in their life. Showing them compassion, understanding, patience and offering support can help them through their healing and recovery.

If you or someone you know is overwhelmed and struggling, SuicideLine Victoria offers free phone and online counselling 24/7. You can call 1300 651 251 or click the chat button on the right side of this page. In an emergency, please call 000 immediately.

Supporting someone who had a suicide attempt

Sometimes, people find it difficult to support someone who had a suicide attempt because they don’t know what to say. Knowing what to do can be hard when you feel overwhelmed and emotional. Remember that your patience and support can make a difference in their healing journey, even if you feel uncertain.

Below are ways to provide support and create a safe space where the person feels loved, cared about, and accepted.

Be present and actively listen

• Be available and listen to what the person has to say. Creating a safe space for them to talk helps build or re-establish trust between you.
• Listen in a non-judgmental way and try to understand their feelings and perspectives. Accept them for who they are.
• When the person is ready, support them in exploring and developing realistic plans to deal with their emotional pain.
• Help them feel there is hope of things getting better by identifying positive aspects of their life.
• Don’t force them to talk about their attempt if they are not ready. Sometimes, just sitting quietly with them can help.
• Let them know you care.

Offer practical support

• Help them access professional support, such as a doctor, psychologist, or counsellor. Offer to accompany them to appointments if needed.
• Support them in doing activities they enjoy, staying physically active, and connecting with others.
• Help with practical tasks like housework or childcare if that would be helpful.

Build a support network

• Ask the person what support they need and who should be involved. Be clear that you cannot be the only person supporting them at this time.
• Enlist help from others to assist you in supporting the person.
• You cannot fill the role of a counsellor, psychologist or doctor. Encourage the person to seek professional support.

Create a safety plan

• Ask if they are comfortable working together on creating a suicide safety plan, which can help someone stay safe if they are feeling suicidal.
• Beyond Now is a free safety plan app. The app can help the person to:
  • Recognise warning signs.
  • Create a safe space.
  • Identify reasons to live.
  • Use effective coping strategies.
  • Reach out to trusted friends and family.
  • Contact healthcare professionals, including helplines:
    • SuicideLine Victoria – call 1300 651 251
    • Lifeline – call 13 11 14
    • 13YARN – call 13 92 76
    • Kids Helpline – call 1800 55 1800.

Keep in contact 

• Continue to invite them to occasions and events and support them to do things they enjoy.
• If larger gatherings seem overwhelming, suggest something smaller, like going for a walk.
• Be understanding if they are not ready to socialise or do activities they previously enjoyed.
• Keep in contact, even if they seem to be ignoring you.

Unhelpful reactions to a suicide attempt

It is important to be aware of your feelings and avoid reacting in ways that could block communication or cause the person to withdraw or become distressed. Even with good intentions, certain responses can make the situation more difficult.

When talking to the person, try to avoid expressing shock or panic, using judgmental language, or lecturing about what they should have done differently. Avoid oversimplifying their problems or making them feel guilty about their actions.

Ignoring the situation, abandoning the person, or giving ultimatums are unhelpful approaches that can damage trust.

It’s also important to avoid stigmatising language, such as describing an attempt as “failed” or saying someone “committed” suicide, as these terms can reinforce negative attitudes.

If you have unhelpful reactions, be kind to yourself—feeling overwhelmed in this situation is normal. Take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding. What matters most is maintaining connection and showing that you care, even when you don’t have all the answers.

Additional resources if you are concerned about someone

• Recognising the suicide warning signs
• How do you talk to someone who may be suicidal
• Myths about suicide
• Why do people self-harm

Looking after yourself

Supporting someone who had a suicide attempt can be stressful and emotionally draining.

It is vital that you look after yourself and get the support you need. Taking care of yourself will help you better support your loved one.

Below are some tips:

• Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, eating properly, and doing some physical activity.
• Get some fresh air each day, even if it is just for a short walk.
• Try not to put pressure on yourself to do too much; remember that you can’t do everything, and that’s okay.
• Talk to trusted family members or friends so you can feel supported.
• Consider joining a local support group or online forum.
• Connect with community, cultural or spiritual leaders if that’s helpful for you.
• Try mindfulness and relaxation techniques. The Smiling Mind app has guided mindfulness and meditation sessions.
• If you’re finding it difficult to deal with the strain of the situation, consider counselling or other professional support for yourself.
• If you are thinking about suicide or worried about someone, call SuicideLine Victoria on 1300 651 251.

Supporting someone after a suicide attempt can feel overwhelming, but your support, along with others, can make a difference in the person’s healing and recovery journey.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, call SuicideLine Victoria on 1300 651 251 or click the chat button on the right for online counselling. Our professional counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free.

If it is an emergency, call 000.

References

[1] Life in Mind https://lifeinmind.org.au/suicide-prevention/priority-populations/previous-suicide-attempt