How can I help someone who is depressed?

Understanding depression

If someone you care about is depressed, understanding what they’re going through is a good place to start.

Depression is a lasting low mood that affects how a person thinks, feels and manages day-to-day life. It is different from the normal ups and downs everyone experiences. The feelings can include sadness, emptiness or hopelessness, and they tend to stick around rather than lift after a day or two.

Depression can range from mild to severe. In its milder form, it might make everyday tasks feel harder than usual. When it’s more severe, it can have a serious effect on a person’s work, relationships and ability to get through the day. Around 1 in 7 Australians¹ experience depression at some point in their lives, so it is far more common than many people realise.

Signs of depression

Depression looks different for everyone, so there isn’t one set of signs to watch for. As someone close to the person, you may start to notice changes in how they feel, think, behave or look after themselves.

Their mood and thinking might change. They may seem persistently sad, flat or hopeless, or lose interest in things they used to enjoy. You might notice they’re more irritable or withdrawn, or hear them talk about feeling worthless, guilty, or like a burden. They may also find it harder to concentrate or make decisions.

Their behaviour can shift too. They might pull away from friends, family and activities, or struggle to keep up with work, study or everyday responsibilities. Some people use alcohol or other substances to cope.

There can be physical changes as well, such as tiredness and low energy, sleeping too much or too little, or changes in appetite or weight.

Some people with depression also have thoughts of self-harm or suicide. If you’re worried this might be the case, take it seriously and encourage them to get support straight away.

You can call SuicideLine Victoria on 1300 651 251 to speak to a counsellor. If it is an emergency, please call 000 immediately.

What can cause depression

There is rarely a single cause for depression. It tends to develop from a mix of things, and the combination is different for everyone.

Contributing factors can include:

• Current life stress, such as money worries, job insecurity, relationship breakdowns or grief.
• Difficult past experiences, including trauma, abuse, or growing up in an unstable home.
• Feeling disconnected or isolated from the people around them.
• Physical health issues, such as chronic pain, poor sleep or hormonal changes.
• Alcohol or other drug use, which can deepen a low mood.

You don’t need to understand exactly why someone is depressed to help them. What matters is recognising that it’s real, taking it seriously, and being there while they find support. Depression is treatable, and people do recover.

How to support someone with depression

One of the most helpful things you can offer someone with depression is your presence and your willingness to listen without judgement.

Start a conversation

It’s normal to feel unsure about how to raise your concerns, or to worry about saying the wrong thing. But a simple check-in can mean a lot to the person, even if it feels small.

Here are a few things that can help the conversation:

• Pick a calm, relaxed moment rather than a stressful or rushed one.
• Choose a private, familiar place so they don’t feel put on the spot.
• Try talking side by side, such as while walking, driving or cooking. This can feel easier than talking face-to-face.
• You can start the conversation with an open question. Here are a couple of examples:
  • “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. How are you going?”
  • “You’ve been on my mind. How have things been for you?”

If they’re not ready to talk, that’s okay. Let them know you’re available when they are ready. Something as simple as “I’m here when you feel like talking” can be reassuring without any pressure.

Listen and respond

When someone opens up, it can be tempting to offer advice or jump to solutions. But often, what they need most is to feel heard. Try to give them space to talk without interrupting and show you’re listening through your tone and body language.

Asking open questions, such as “how does that make you feel?” or “how has that been affecting you?”, can help them say more about what they’re going through.

Acknowledge what they’ve shared instead of rushing to fix it. Something like “that sounds really tough, I’m here if you want to talk more” usually lands better than a well-meant “it could be worse”, which can leave someone feeling unheard.

It can also help to gently highlight their strengths and let them know that support is available.

If they feel stuck, you could ask what one small step feels manageable right now, rather than focusing on bigger challenges.

Offer practical help

Depression can make ordinary tasks, like cooking, cleaning or running errands, feel overwhelming. Offering to take care of something specific is often more useful than a general “let me know if you need anything”, which can be hard for someone to respond to.

You could offer to:

• Cook a meal or drop off something pre-made.
• Help with the dishes, tidying, or mowing the lawn.
• Pick up groceries or a prescription.
• Walk their dog or buy food for their pets.
• Help with the kids, such as minding them or driving them to school.

Spending time together can help too, led by what they feel up to. That might be a short walk, a shared meal, or just sitting and watching a show. If they worry they’re being a burden, let them know they’re not, and that you want to help.

Encourage professional support

Someone with depression may already have mental health professional support in place, such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. If they have any of these professional supports, you can encourage them to make an appointment.

If they don’t have any professional support, encouraging the person to speak to their GP is a good place to start. A doctor can talk through a treatment plan with them and, if needed, refer them to a psychologist or other mental health professional.

Reaching out can feel hard, so your help with the practical side matters. You might offer to find a GP together, sit with them while they make an appointment, or drive them there.

If their low mood has lasted more than two weeks, or it’s affecting their daily life, gently encourage them to take that first step sooner rather than later.

Looking after yourself

When you’re focused on supporting someone else, it’s easy to put your own needs last. Looking after your own wellbeing matters too. Here are some ways to look after yourself:

• Set boundaries: Be honest about what you’re able to offer. If you can’t support the person that day, you might say, “I care about you and want to support you. I just need a little time to recharge. Can we talk tomorrow?”
• Make space for your own feelings: Supporting someone can bring up sadness, frustration or guilt. Talking to someone you trust, or writing things down, can help you work through them.
• Notice the signs of fatigue: If you’re feeling drained, irritable, or exhausted, that’s a signal to take a break and lean on others who can share the support.
• Take time to recharge: Small moments for yourself, like a walk or a coffee with a friend, can help you stay grounded.

Being there, listening, and reminding them that they are not alone can make a difference to the person you care about.

SuicideLine Victoria is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service. Call 1300 651 251 to speak to a counsellor or click the chat button on the right to start online counselling.

If it is an emergency, please call 000.

References

[1] Black Dog Institute – Facts & figures about mental health https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/1-facts_figures.pdf