Overcoming failure

Imagine this: you’ve been working hard for an upcoming project at work, putting in hours late into the night, missing social plans, only to find out it doesn’t hit the mark, and your boss isn’t happy. That sinking feeling in your stomach, that voice in your head saying, “I’m not good enough,” – that’s what failure can feel like.  

It’s like missing the last step on the stairs and ending up flat on your face. It hurts, and it can make you feel small and alone. But remember, everyone trips and falls sometimes. And just like a bruised knee, this feeling will heal over time. Let’s explore some strategies to help you to keep moving forward, step by step. 

Understanding Failure 

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that failure is not an end destination but a part of the human journey. Here’s why: 

• Failure is universal: Every person, regardless of who they are or where they come from, has experienced failure at some point. 
• It’s a stepping stone: Failure provides the opportunity to learn, grow, and better prepare for the future. 
• It defines success: Success often feels more rewarding when it’s achieved after a series of failures. It’s the sweet fruit produced from your resilience and determination. 

Accepting the Failure 

One of the most significant steps towards overcoming failure is accepting that it has happened. This doesn’t mean dwelling on it or letting it define you, but simply recognising it occurred: 

• Be open: Speak about your experience with someone you can trust— a friend, family member, or mental health professional. 
• Self-compassion: It’s important to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation. 
• Normalise your feelings: Understand that feeling upset, frustrated, or sad about a failure is entirely normal. 

Overcoming Negative Thoughts 

When we experience failure, it’s common to be plagued with negative thoughts. However, we can try some strategies to combat them. Here are some examples: 

• Reframe your thoughts: Try shifting your perspective. Instead of saying to yourself, “I failed, and I’m no good,” say, “I didn’t succeed this time, but I’ve learned something valuable for the future.” 
• Practise mindfulness: Mindfulness is about staying in the present moment. When you find your mind drifting to past failures, gently bring it back to the present. What do you see in front of you? Describe it. Pay attention to what you can see, hear, see, smell, and feel to bring your attention back to the present moment. 

• Positive self-talk: Write down positive affirmations that resonate with you. Repeat them to yourself, especially when you’re feeling low. For example, it could be something like “I am capable, and I believe in myself” or “I can do anything I put my mind to”. It can be whatever resonates for you. 

Learning from Failure 

Once we have accepted failure and managed our negative thoughts, the next step is to learn from our experiences: 

• Identify lessons: What has this experience taught you? Perhaps it revealed something you can work to improve or an unexpected strength you can build upon. 
• Make a plan: Using the lessons learned, create a step-by-step plan for your next attempt. 
• Take small steps: Break your plan into manageable tasks. Celebrate each small victory along the way; they’re all contributing to your success. 

Rebuilding Resilience 

Resilience is our ability to bounce back from hard times. While it might feel dampened after a failure, we can actively work on rebuilding it. Here are some tips: 

• Maintain a support network: Keep in touch with friends, family, and mental health professionals who can provide emotional support. 
• Stay healthy: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep all contribute to our mental wellbeing and resilience. 
• Practise gratitude: Each day, try to identify at least three things you’re grateful for. Gratitude can help us maintain a positive outlook. 

Remember, failure is not a reflection of your worth or potential. It’s a part of life that we all go through. If you’re struggling with feelings of failure, please reach out to someone you trust for support or call one of our free professional counsellors.  

If you or someone you know is struggling and want to speak to a professional counsellor, SuicideLine Victoria is free and available 24/7. 

Call us on 1300 651 251 or click on the chat button on the right for online counselling.   

If it is an emergency, call 000.