What is self-harm?

Why do I self-harm?

Self-harm is when you deliberately inflict pain, injury or damage to yourself. It is often seen as a coping mechanism to deal with intense emotional distress. Self-harm can include cutting, burning, hair pulling, scratching, biting, head banging or pinching oneself.

Self-harm is usually not a suicide attempt or intended to be fatal, but rather a means to cope with or feel some relief from powerful negative experiences. Some people describe self-harming as providing an external expression of internal feelings. It can be associated with strong and sustained emotions such as guilt, shame, sadness, anger and fear.

Some circumstances that have led people to hurt themselves are:

• Finding it difficult to express strong feelings (sadness, anger, shame or guilt)
• Losing someone close to you (parent, sibling or friend)
• Feeling loss and loneliness after the end of a relationship
• Being bullied or abused (emotional, physical, and/or sexual)
• Intense emotional pain and loss
• Being exposed to a traumatic event
• Feeling disconnected and numb
• Not coping with life’s stresses
• Peers are doing it, socially desirable

Hurting yourself may feel like a release and helps deal with your emotional pain. You may feel it gives you a way to express your intense negative feelings that are impossible to put into words, and provides you with a sense of control. For some people, it can be a form of self-punishment or a way to deal with guilt or shame.

However, self-harm only provides temporary relief and gives you no opportunity to work through your feelings. After a while, you may find that you need to hurt yourself more and more to get the same relief. If this behaviour goes on, your self-harm could become the only means of dealing with obstacles in your life, which can become life-threatening.

Your safety

If you are thinking about self-harming or have self-harmed in the past, you should tell someone you trust, such as a family member, a friend or a health professional.

If your self-harm has reached the point where you or someone else is concerned about your physical safety (for example, the risk of infection), seek immediate medical attention at your local GP or hospital. If it’s an emergency, call 000.

Alternatives to self-harm

There are alternative ways to cope with negative emotions. When you start to feel like hurting yourself, try the following to stop self-harming in the moment:

• Delay the behaviour. Try to put it off until you have spoken to someone or waited for a period of time. You might find that the desire to self-harm then passes.
• Distract yourself. Go for a walk, listen to music that expresses how you feel or changes your mood, call a friend, or engage in a hobby you enjoy.
• Divert your attention. Try holding ice in the crook of your elbow, wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it, take a cold shower, or try another activity that can mimic the self-harm but is safer for you.
• Relax. Try taking deep breaths to relax or try a technique like progressive muscle relaxation. Engage in any activity that usually helps you to relax, which can be as simple as taking a shower.

These alternative strategies are not solutions to self-harming behaviour, but they can be used as short-term alternatives while you are seeking help from a counsellor or psychologist. These coping strategies can help you to get past the intense feelings that lead you to wanting to hurt yourself. While these feelings are intense, they do pass.

Relaxation techniques

The following relaxation techniques can help ease the tension you may be feeling. Please know that what works for one person may not work for another, so try to find what enables you to relax.

Box breathing: This is a simple technique that can help you feel calm and lower your stress. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. Repeat this cycle a few times until you feel calmer.

Five senses technique: This grounding technique brings your attention to the present moment by engaging all your senses.

Notice:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can feel
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

Progressive muscle relaxation: This technique involves tensing and then releasing different muscle groups in your body. Start with your toes and work your way up: tense each muscle group for 5 seconds, then release and notice the sensation of relaxation. Move through your calves, thighs, stomach, chest, arms, and face. This helps release physical tension that builds up when you’re distressed.

How to talk about self-harm

If you have thoughts of self-harm or are self-harming, it’s important to speak to someone you trust. This may feel intimidating and you may be worried about how to start the conversation. Below are some tips on how you might start:

• “I’ve been feeling angry/sad/frustrated/guilty about something in my life.”
• “It all started when…”
• “Lately things have been hard, and I am feeling…”

If you find talking about it too overwhelming, write down the feelings you have been experiencing and give them to someone you trust who can support you. Sharing your experience can be the first step to recovery.

Professional help for self-harm

You do not have to face your situation alone. You can get professional help to stop self-harming and understand what is causing you to self-harm in the first place. A health professional can help you learn new strategies to cope. You will not be judged or thought any less of because you self-harm.

You can speak to your GP or a mental health professional who will help you with a management plan. Your GP can also refer you to a psychologist for ongoing support. Be honest about what is happening so that you can get the support you need. If you have already spoken with your GP or a mental health professional, stay connected.

Our counsellors at SuicideLine Victoria can help you start to work on what is triggering you to self-harm. We’re here 24/7 on 1300 651 251.

Kids Helpline can help kids and teenagers on 1800 55 1800.

To find health professionals and services in your area, visit:

• Healthdirect – search for GPs and healthcare professionals.
• Lifeline service finder – search for free and low-cost health and community services.
• Medicare Mental Health – connect with mental health support.

SuicideLine Victoria is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service offering professional support to people who are concerned about their emotional and mental health. Call 1300 651 251. If it is an emergency, call 000.