Positive self-talk

What is self-talk?

Self-talk is your internal mental chatter or inner voice in your head that runs throughout the day. It is how you talk to yourself and helps you process your day and experiences. Self-talk can be different things – it can be routine, help us finish an activity or prepare for an event, ask questions, and make an observation. 

Your self-talk can be positive, or it can be negative. You might not always be aware of your self-talk, but it can affect your feelings and confidence. 

Understanding negative self-talk

Negative self-talk is when you are being very critical about yourself. If your self-talk is more negative, it can start to affect your wellbeing and mental health. Examples of negative self-talk include: “I never do anything right” or “I’ll never be good at this.” Sometimes, we can get stuck in negative self-talk patterns. 

Harvard University[1] has identified common types of negative self-talk, which include: 

• Thinking it’s all or nothing – if you fall short of perfect, you think you have failed. 

• Overgeneralising – you think a single event is evidence of a pattern of defeat. 

• Using a mental filter – you dwell on one negative detail. 

• Rejecting the positive – you reject a positive experience, saying, “It doesn’t count”. 

• Jumping to conclusions – you make a negative assumption even with no facts to support it. 

• Catastrophising – you exaggerate the importance of your mistake. 

The more we do negative self-talk, the more we feel bad about ourselves, lowering our self-confidence. If you notice you do this often, try to change it with positive self-talk. 

If you’re becoming overwhelmed by negative self-talk, you can get help. Speak to your GP, health professional or call SuicideLine Victoria on 1300 651 251. If it is an emergency, please call 000. 

Understanding positive self-talk

Positive self-talk can help you feel better about yourself and what’s happening in your life. It can be encouraging, constructive, balanced, and solution-oriented while acknowledging challenges and capabilities.  

It is possible to turn your negative self-talk into positive self-talk. You can start by noticing when your self-talk becomes negative and then think about the situation in a more positive way. You can think about what you’re grateful for, focus on the benefits, and keep things in perspective. 

Using positive self-talk doesn’t mean you will never have any negative self-talk. It’s about challenging some of your negative thoughts and misconceptions so that your thoughts aren’t mostly negative.  

According to Health Direct[2], positive self-talk can help to improve self-esteem and wellbeing, manage stress levels, and potentially help reduce symptoms of  depression and anxiety. 

Turning around negative self-talk 

The first step in turning around your negative self-talk is to recognise when it is happening. When you monitor your self-talk, you can look for recurring patterns and triggers that lead to negative thoughts.  

Once you have identified the negative self-talk, you can question your assumptions, look for evidence to challenge your thoughts and consider alternative perspectives. Ask yourself: 

• Is what I am thinking true? 

• Is there any evidence for what I am thinking? 

• Is there another perspective? 

• If this was happening to a friend, what would I tell them? 

Challenging your negative self-talk takes practice, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.  

Your goal is not to eliminate all negative self-talk. Instead, aim to have a more balanced and supportive way of thinking. 

Examples of positive self-talk 

Below are some examples of how this can work.  

Setting: I am very stressed out about an upcoming situation. 

Negative self-talk: “I won’t be able to cope with this situation.” 

Positive self-talk: “I am coping quite well, given everything else that is going on. This situation is stressful, but it will pass.” 

Setting: I am very worried about failing at an important meeting / presentation / job interview. 

Negative self-talk: “I’m terrible at meetings / presentations / interviews, and I will mess up just like last time.” 

Positive self-talk: “This is a stressful situation, but there are things I can do to get ready (e.g. prepare answers for questions I may be asked, practise my presentation, research the company I am interviewing for).” 

Setting: I am feeling very overwhelmed and stressed. 

Negative self-talk: “Nothing seems to be going well, and I can’t do anything right.” 

Positive self-talk: “Today, I woke up, made the bed and walked the dog, and I did a good job.” 

Setting: I am part of a team and did not achieve what was expected of me. 

Negative self-talk: “I’ve let everyone down because I failed and didn’t achieve my goals.” 

Positive self-talk: “I am proud of myself for trying. I will use what I have learned to take a different approach next time.” 

Setting: I am being asked to do something that’s new to me, and I am nervous and worried. 

Negative self-talk: “I’ve never done this before, and I will most likely make a fool of myself.” 

Positive self-talk: “This is an opportunity to learn something new.” 

Setting: There’s too much on my plate. 

Negative self-talk: “There’s no way I will get everything done. This is impossible.” 

Positive self-talk: “I need to take a moment to plan the next steps and take it one day at a time.” 

The more you practise positive self-talk, the easier it will become. Try to keep things in perspective, and do not underestimate your ability to cope. Things can improve with time, and please remember to reach out if you need support. 

If you are struggling, speak to one of our SuicideLine Victoria counsellors on 1300 651 251, or you can click on the floating chat button on the right to start a web chat. 

If it is an emergency, call 000. 

References 

[1] Harvard University https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu/cognitive-reappraisal/identifying-negative-automatic-thought-patterns 

[2] Healthdirect https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-talk