When a child is bereaved by suicide, they may grieve differently from the adults around them, often expressing their emotions through behaviour and play. While this can be overwhelming for a parent or carer, providing a safe space and honest information can help them process their loss.
Children, teens and young people tend to grieve differently from adults following a suicide. Their grief reactions can vary depending on the child’s developmental stage:
It is generally best to speak to a child or young person as soon as possible in a safe, comfortable space. Even if they do not fully understand the concept of suicide, they will experience the loss and need truthful information to prevent them from hearing confusing versions from peers or on social media.
Below are some strategies to keep in mind:
Avoid figurative language such as “went to sleep” or “left us”, as children tend to take things literally. These types of phrases can cause anxiety about bedtime or abandonment.
You should use clear, age-appropriate language. For example, “They have died. This means that they won’t be here anymore. It’s okay to feel sad about it.”
With a younger child, you can also ask what they think being dead or suicide means. Then you can talk through any confusion or misunderstandings they may have.
It helps to be as honest about the death as is appropriate for the child’s age. The truth about the circumstances of the death will inevitably come out, and it is better that the child be told in a safe space by their parent or primary caregiver.
Remind the child that they can speak to you anytime they want.
Below are ways to support children and young people who are bereaved by suicide.
Seeing adults grieve can help children understand that sadness is a normal response to loss. Being open about your own feelings (e.g., “I am feeling sad today too”) provides them with emotional cues and permission to express their own grief.
The funeral, viewing or memorial service is an important way for friends and family, including children, to express grief, remember their loved one, and say goodbye. It is vital that the child feels part of this process. Look for ways they can be involved in the service, perhaps by choosing a song or a reading, or by drawing a picture or writing about their memories of the person. Supporting children in this way can help the grieving process, particularly if this is the first time the child has attended a funeral.
Make sure you talk about what to expect. Before you attend, make time to discuss what will happen, who will be there, and where it will be. You may emphasise that it is a reflective and sad time, so people may be upset or crying. This will help them be prepared for what the service might be like.
Before it’s time for your child to go back to school, contact their teachers or counsellors to explain to them the circumstances of the death. Keep in contact with the school to inform them of anniversary dates or other stressful times.
It may also be helpful to rehearse with the child what they will say to their friends or teachers, so they are better prepared.
If they don’t feel ready to talk about it with their friends, they can say something like, “Thanks for asking, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I’ll let you know when I am.”
Memories are important both to help the child remember the person who died and their relationship, and as part of the child’s grieving process.
Children may find it helpful to use creative activities to help with this process. You could look at photos or make a drawing. Another useful tool is a memory box or scrapbook, with photos, written memories, poems, songs, drawings and other mementos. You and your child can look back over these to help with your grief and keep the memory of the person alive.
Try to keep the child’s daily routine intact through this stressful time. Adhering to as normal a routine as possible is important for a child to feel secure and cared for. Let them know that they are loved and will be kept safe. Reassure them that they don’t have to feel sad all the time. It’s okay for them to play, laugh and feel happy.
Supporting children, when you are grieving yourself, can feel exhausting and overwhelming. It is very important that you look after yourself and have adequate support around you to help you through this difficult time. Close family and friends, or professionals like bereavement services, counsellors or psychologists, can be invaluable during this time. Be patient with yourself and recognise that processing suicide loss takes time.
If you need support, call SuicideLine Victoria on 1300 651 251 or click on the chat button for online counselling. Our professional counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free.
In an emergency, call 000.
Suicide bereavement can be traumatic and complex. In addition to the grief that comes with a loss, you may also be dealing with a range of other emotions. Looking after your mental health and wellbeing is important during this time. Understand your emotions and learn ways to cope with your grief.
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When a child is bereaved by suicide, they may grieve differently from the adults around them, often expressing their emotions through behaviour and play. While this can be overwhelming for a parent or carer, providing a safe space and honest information can help them process their loss.
Read more
